Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
