Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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