K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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