I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
