Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
