the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
