Duck Duck Cougar?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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