Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
