The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
