Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
