hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize