I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
