So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
