I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
