I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
