Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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