Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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