Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Operation Purity has been aborted
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
