...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Blood and glitter go together right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
