I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
