Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wear drunk well.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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