I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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