when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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