i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
