i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
