They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
