Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
