Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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