I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
