I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Someone came in the potted fern
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize