I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
