fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
