Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
