Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
