Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
