I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
