I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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