I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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