I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
