I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
