He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
God, I missed his penis.
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