his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
