can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
