This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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