Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
