remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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