:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
