Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize