I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
