He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
