And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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