I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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