chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
