I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
