After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
