Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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