i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
