Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
