I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
organizing the empties. That sober.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize