You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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