If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
