if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
