i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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