people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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