GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
