either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
