it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the condom got lost in my hair
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
