I think I am morally bankrupt
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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