My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
