just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
