Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
