my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
