I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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