you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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