Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
