omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize