Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
