Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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