just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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