You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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