I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
