First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize