I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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