I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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