This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
