Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
