I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
