You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
