I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
