I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize