Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Houston, we have a squirter
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
