Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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