How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
