I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
