Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
