I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
