Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
