like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
