Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
