Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
