remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
