You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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