we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
