marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
