Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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