I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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