stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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