I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
