oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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